Big Boys DO Cry

Tonite, I am lying on my bed, with the lights turn off

Crying...

it caught me off guard, this feeling
the feeling of loneliness, vulnerable and uselessness.
I don't know where this feeling comes from, for it hid itself very well, deep within me
Today was supposed to be my happy day, it was my graduation day
yet why do I feel like this? like I am such a failure, like I have done nothing in my twenty six years, five months and ten days living on this earth.
To make it worst, I have no idea where I will going from this moment on.
What my purposes of living are? What I am looking for in life? Am I a dissapointment to the people that really care for me, my mum and dad? and so on...
These questions keep coming and It scares me.. A LOT
I'm so scared til I don't know what to do beside cry
These tears keeps falling down, I can't hold it.

Huff...

Finally, after a while,
I can get a grip, and start wiping the tears off of my eyes.
Somehow I feels lighter, like the huge load that was on my chest is decreased if not gone
It's been a long time since I haven't been crying like this. I remembered the last time me crying spilling my emotion was on an ESQ training.
Some said that it's A NO NO for boys to cry
but I don't care, I enjoy crying. It's one of the amazing gift from God to us human, yeah those tears. It's incredible how those tears could bring so much relieve to the soul

I'm going to sleep now and tomorrow I'll worry about those questions hanging on my minds. I'll find the answers. There's always a way. I need only to stick to my faith that My God has the best plans laid out for me

Just when I get ready to go asleep. My mum and Dad called me to go downstairs for dinner
Lazily wake up from my bed, I hesitantly went downstairs.
And Voila, apparently they have arranged a surprise 'Upah-upah' for me
Upah-upah is a Batak tradition of feasting on special occasion. Rice, boiled eggs, Ikan mas, Chicken and prawn were put together on a big plate. The plate then placed on the head of the person while everyone said a good prayer and wishes for the person.
I'm so flattered, I can't say anything, just felt so loved and blessed and thankful that I'll always have my family, being there for me. Another tear's slipping away. hu hu hu


Julian, termehek-mehek alone

Heboh Obat Kurus!

Udeh beberapa hari ini nyokap heboh minum obat kurus keluaran Melilea! Jadi ceritanya dia jalan ketemuan sama uwa' dan anaknya. Nah anaknya uwa' ini, si bebi, ternyata udah turun 6 kiloan karena obat ini! Langsung deh kumat penyakit si mama, gampang tergiur! Tapi tadinya masih ragu-ragu sih, mau beli atau ngga, langsung aja gue panas-panasin.

"Ikh, ma, bener banget tuh, temenku si Muki turun dua kilo padahal baru minum dua hari loh"
"Mah, kayaknya obatnya beneran bagus deh"
"Ayo ma, beli ajah"

Hihihi... Ada tujuannya sebenernya bujukin si mama, ngarep pengen nebeng ikutan minum ntar kalo nyokap jadi beli secawra gue rada desperado karena udah olahraga mati-matian tapi berat kok kayak'e ga turun-turun. Sukses!! Akhirnya di mama terkena bujuk rayu juga. Dibeli lah tuh Melilea. Produknya ada dua macem gitu, satu susu kedelai, satunya lagi serbuk serat sayuran gitu. Tetapi oh tetapi, sialnya, mamaku itu ternyata pinter kali pun. dengan alasan mau nyoba dulu, dia belinya yang botol kecil. Alhasil gue ga dikasih ikutan nyobain minum tuh obat. huhuhu.. percuma dong susah-susah keluarin jurus rayuan maut! humpph..

Anehnya, semenjak minum tuh obat - dah dua hari - kenapa si mama malah makin rajin yah makannya sama ngemilnya. LOL. Benter-benter ngunyah ini, silap mata ngunyah itu. sampe-sampe gue ga tahan ngeledekin

"Ibu genduuutt, kok makan terus sih? Ga sukses dwong dietnya ntar? Piye iki?"

hehehe.. emang gue suka sih, ngeledekin si mama dengan manggil dia ibu gendut, dan biasanya abis dipanggil gitu dia langsung manyun trus bales ngejek gue gendut juga! Peace ah, mam! U know that's the way of me showing that i really love u, right!

Trus tadi pagi dong, tanpa pake permisi dan ga bilang-bilang a i u, my sister tiba-tiba kepandaian ngeracik tuh obat buat diminum ama dia! Ish.. bisa-bisanya! Gue aja ngga dikasih nyobain! Dasar karena kepinteran, takarannya kebanyakan, jadinya tuh susu kedelai plus serat sayuran udah kekentelan kayak agar-agar jelly ga jelas! Pas mau diminum, dia malah eneg dan mau throw up! Jadilah gue dipanggil sama nyokap, trus disuruh ngabisin tuh racikan setelah sebelomnya ditambahin air biar sedikit encer! Huh.. emangnya gue tong sampah yaa.. cuma ya udeh deh, dasar murahan dan emang pengen nyobain tuh obat, akhirnya diglek juga!
Ewww.... Feels like eating puke when the liquid got through my throat! Ga enak banget!! mgkn karena emang ngeraciknya dari awal udeh salah kali ya, ada yg kentel-kentel gitu dan ga enak banget ditelennya! Sambil dipaksa-paksa nyokap dengan alasan sayang kalo obatnya dibuang, I swallowed it forcefully! Phew.. Heboh banget dah ah.. karena obat kurus satu ini


Julian, yang pengen ngurusin badan

Dona's Wed ~ Remembering Old Time

Last Thursday, I met up with Ndry and Sindy at Plangi, janjian mau ngambil undangan kawinannya Dona yang dititipin di Ndry.

Finally, the day is coming ya Do. I'm so happy for u! Oh ya. Dona ini one of my best friend in College. Back in College, ceritanya punya temen se-gank, isinya sepuluh orang, Dona, Teguh, Didi, Gue, Sindy, Kiki, Helen, Epi dan Fitri Indry. Ga tau gimana ceritanya, yang jelas pas hari pertama masuk kuliah, it was like we found each other. Langsung Klik! Mulai dari jalan bareng ke mal pas bolos kuliah, sedih dan nangis bareng pas mikirin skripsi dan hal ga penting lain yang bikin depresi, senang bareng ketawa-ketiwi. hu hu hu.. I really miss that time guys! Jadi mellow deh. Jadi inget sama foto lama pas kita sempet-sempetin foto outdoor di nozzle. Look at us here! So cute and innocent! ha ha ha. (On the photo : Me, Sindy, Epi, Fitri, Dona, Kiki, Ndy, Helen, Didi, Teguh)


Btw, I wrote some note on the back of this photo of ours

Life is like the road we travel
Some are smooth, Some are rough
Some I would rather forget
But there's one road I won't regret
The road where we met

Sounds cliche, but it is the truth, I'll confess one thing, my tears came down when i wrote this note while remembering all the things we've done together. I really thank God that I met u guys. U were definitely one of the best things happened in my life. I'll treasure that on my heart forevah and evah! Lebay deh. he he he

Back to the wedding thingy, Dona jadi orang kedua nih dari gang yang melepas masa lajang setelah Sindy got married with Yan last year. Next in line is Kiki kayaknya yang udah pesen gedung buat bulan mei, dan epi atau fitri yang kayaknya udah mantep bener dengan pasangan masing-masing! Me? jangan ditanya deh.. Belom mikirin kesana sama sekali malah. Walaupun nyokap dah mulai nyap-nyap nih terus sibuk sendiri mau nyariin jodoh buat anaknya! Mamah.. nyadar ga sih, anaknya masih pengangguran, masa mau disuruh nikah? Ntar mau ngasih makan apa mah ke istrinya? he he he It's a good thing if both people ready to commit and takes their relationship to the next stage. Tapi buat yang belom siap ga bisa dipaksa kan. Lagian hari gini, masih jaman ya dijodoh-jodohin segala? Making a life-time commitment without even know the person whom to be committed first? Sounds silly for me!

Aniweiz, Congrats sekali lagi ya Do. This coming 17th of January will be ur big day, mah friend! I always pray for u and ur happiness


Julian, ikut happy for Dona